


❝Say Yes❞ 2: Say Yessir

by ScooBiNatural



Series: Dean’s Guide to Surviving The End [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Aviophobia, Claustrophobia, Deamwalking, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to almost Lovers to Enemies to Frienemies to Friends to Actual Lovers, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Memories, No Smut, Phobias, Plot Twist, Samulet, Slow Burn, enemies to frienemies, eventually, plot heavy, tiny one tho, yknow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-18
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-07-14 03:09:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16031756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScooBiNatural/pseuds/ScooBiNatural
Summary: Dean was promised a trip to his brother, and it’s been a few days.





	1. Hitchhiker’s Guide to Sam’s Memories

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sooo_Lazy](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Sooo_Lazy), [Black_Eagle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Black_Eagle/gifts).



Fuck Lucifer.

Seriously, _fuck_ him.

Dean glares at the archangel’s back as Lucifer makes to leave him alone for the third time without so much as an apology. “It’s been _two days_ , asshole. When am I going to get to see him?”

Lucifer pauses at the door. “You’ll see him when he’s ready for you.” He sounds tired. Subdued, even. Dean’s barely heard more than a handful of words at a time from of him since… his ‘challenge’.

Normally Dean would be gleeful about making Lucifer shut up for once but _not_ when the asshole isn’t giving him updates on his brother. “And when will _that_ be?” He presses, not about to let Lucifer just walk off again.

“I don’t _know_ , Dean.” Lucifer snaps back. As he turns around Dean can see the— is that _concern_ ?—in his eyes. “Believe me, I’m not holding him over your head for any _petty_ reasons. You should know by now that I’m a devil of my word.” As quickly as it came, his anger deflates and his expression falls with concern again. “But you have to understand… he’s been possessed for what? Five years? I’ve been as good as I can be to him but I am a lot to handle, Dean.”

Dean stays silent, letting Lucifer _finally_ talk while he watches.

“I’m doing what I can. He’s accustomed to sharing a body with me now so with me gone he has… shut down, in a sense. He’s used to acute senses and high levels of power and he suddenly no longer has either.” He chews his lip for a second before he continues, seeming to talk more to himself than to Dean. “I’ve tried every way that I can think of to wake him up but he just _refuses_ to get out of his own head…”

“I’m worried about him,” Lucifer finally admits, and the smallness of his voice tells Dean how very true that statement is. “I never wanted to hurt him but now it seems like I have…”

As Dean watches, he inhales slowly and then exhales equally so—a calming technique. “You’ve done everything you can? Like what?” Dean gruffly demands. There’s less of an edge to his voice than there was before.

The blond looks him over briefly. “Yes. He’s at full health, I have completely repaired his body and I’ve kept him fed and rested. I’ve attempted to shake him awake, I’ve used loud noises, I’ve tried every physical means short of harming him. I’ve even dreamwalked with him and tried to wake him up from his subconscious and he… stubbornly refuses to leave.” His brows pull together before he continues, “That was almost _very_ bad because he tried to trap me in his subconscious with him so that I couldn’t leave again… I was stuck puzzling my way out for hours.”

As he sighs, Dean frowns in thought. “Did he say why he doesn’t wanna wake up? Or is he just being a bitch about it?”

The human’s phrasing makes Lucifer’s lips tighten in disapproval. “He didn’t say but I think he’s scared… I told him you wanted to see him so he needed to wake up and he just told me ‘no’ before dropping me in a maze.”

“Huh. Well that’s something.”

“Is it?” Lucifer questions, his head tilting in a birdlike fashion. “Do tell, because I don’t know what to do with it and I’m fresh out of ideas.”

“I mean about you turning all mother-hen on Sammy.” Dean can’t help a slightly teasing smirk from touching his lips. “And here I was thinking you were avoiding me ‘cause you can’t stop thinking about what _almost_ happened.”

“Tch,” Lucifer can’t quite meet his eyes. “Don’t flatter yourself, _General_.” He spits the word out like it tastes bad before he stands to go. “If you don’t have any ideas, I have better things to do than entertain you, I’m afraid.”

As he starts to leave again, Dean grabs his arm and immediately regrets it when Lucifer slams him to the floor face-down in the blink of an eye. “Shit—” Dean coughs, winded.

Lucifer doesn’t move, keeping him pinned to the ground with one hand between his shoulder blades and the other twisting his arm uncomfortably behind his back. “ _Don’t_ get familiar with me, Dean Winchester.”

The hunter snorts as he catches his breath. “Touchy, jesus.” He takes another second to breathe. “Just wait a second, I didn’t say I don’t have any ideas.”

After a moment, Lucifer sighs and then releases him. “Go ahead.”

“Don’t sound _too_ excited,” Dean grumbles as he gets back to his feet. “You think he’s afraid, right? Maybe of facing me after everything you two have done? So take me in with you, if he has to face me anyways maybe he’ll finally wake up.”

Lucifer doesn’t look happy about it but he nods. “Worth a shot, I guess.” He eyes him for a moment longer before he holds his hand out for Dean to take. “I’ll take you to him now, grab my hand when you’re ready.”

Dean makes a face. _Flying._  It’s never agreed with him…

Think about Sammy. He needs you.

Dean takes Lucifer’s hand and his gut twists as their surroundings instantly change.

He’s still not feeling great after being slammed to the floor and the travel certainly didn’t do him any favours. As Lucifer watches on with slight amusement, he finds the nearest wall to lean against and dry heaves a few times.

“Weak stomach?”

“Fuck you.”

“Missed your chance on that, I’m afraid,” Lucifer responds more cheerily than anything else he’s said today.

“I hate you,” Dean tells the devil rather redundantly.

“The feeling is mutual.” Lucifer pats his back a little too roughly before walking across the room to the king-sized bed with a single person lying in it.

When Dean is fairly confident he’s not going to throw up, he starts to take in his surroundings. It’s clearly another house of similar size to his. But everything in this house looks… clean. Not new, but clearly well-kept. There’s not a speck of dust to be seen anywhere.

The bed’s sheets are high-quality and a tasteful dark, velvety red chosen to match with the subtle colours found throughout the rest of the room. All of the furniture appears to be made of polished mahogany with gold-leaf embellishments. The room’s walls and decorations feature an assortment of soft tans, golds, browns, and reds, complimenting each other and giving the place a warm, homey but also regal feel.

Dean finds himself a little jealous; Lucifer is clearly spoiling his brother while leaving him to scrounge for mismatched and sometimes improvised furniture. His ‘bed’ is a collection of pillows and blankets he nested together because he couldn’t find an intact mattress or bed frame.

Once he’s had his fill of the room’s appearance, he turns his focus on Sam. His brother looks healthy and _alive_ , despite being so still that Dean can barely tell he’s breathing. He seems peaceful, content in a way Dean doesn’t remember him looking in a very long time.

He’s close enough to touch and Dean doesn’t have the self-restraint to stop himself as he reaches out to brush the hair away from his brother’s face. It’s gotten longer since the last time he saw Sam up close.

“He’s just been asleep like this since you… uh, un-possessed him?”

Lucifer nods, a solemn presence on the other side of the bed. “He hasn’t so much as twitched. I have to give his body the nutrients he needs because I can’t get him to ingest food for himself like this. It has been… distressing.”

“No kidding,” Dean huffs. It’s been ‘distressing’ enough from his end without even knowing what was going on until now. “So how do we…?”

He doesn’t need to finish his sentence for Lucifer to know what he’s asking. “Just say the word and I’ll zap us into his noggin.” When Dean doesn’t say anything right away he adds quietly, “I hope this works…”

“If it doesn’t,” Dean says, “I don’t know _what_ will.”

Several more moments pass in silence during which Dean takes Sam’s warm, lifeless hand and grips it tight. “Alright. Beam us in, Scotty.”

He barely catches the archangel’s eye roll before he touches Dean’s forehead and everything goes black for a few seconds.


	2. Memory 1: Amy Pond

When Dean can see again, he’s in a library.

It sounds like there are people nearby studying and flipping through pages but… as Dean walks through the aisles he sees no one.

The longer he spends here in this library full of ghosts, the more creeped out he gets.

He can’t find a door anywhere; there are just endless walls of books and desks populated by phantom people.

Eventually, the weird factor reaches a breaking point for him and he decides to call for help. “Sammy? Lucifer? You in here?”

The second he whisper-shouts, a voice sounds in his ear like someone is less than an inch away from him.

**_Shhh!_ **

He flinches back from it, whirling around to see that no one is there.

What the fuck…

As he backs away from that spot, he realises the library has fallen dead silent. No more phantom noises of nonexistent people… not even so much as the turn of a page.

The silence is even more creepy than the ghost noises were. What  _ is _ this place?

He takes a few more steps backwards, his footsteps echoing in the otherwise silent room. He stops at the end of the aisle, looking around frantically for something— _ anything _ to give him a clue as to where he is or where there might be a way out.

It takes him a second to realise that  _ he _ stopped, but the sound of footsteps didn’t.

As soon as he realises that, he turns around and takes off running away from where he was, his heart pounding a thousand times a minute as he escapes whatever the hell that thing is.

He dodges and weaves through the stacks, but the second set of footsteps never seems to get further away and they never seem to quicken their pace at all.

He even tries yanking a bookshelf over to put an obstacle in it’s way but the books freeze in place mid-fall and then meticulously move back into place as the shelf rights itself.

He glances over his shoulder more often than he looks ahead of himself, causing him to not notice when there actually is something in front of him until he runs headlong into another person.

He almost screams from the surprise of seeing another person in this maze of abandoned bookshelves. The other person claps a hand over his mouth to keep him quiet.

“ _ Lucifer _ ?” Dean whispers as soon as the blond removes his hand, warning him to stay quiet with a finger to his lips. “ _ What is this place? _ ”

Lucifer looks around before gesturing for Dean to follow as he takes off in the direction Dean came from.

When Dean hears his voice, it’s in his head and not aloud.  _ ‘Just think whatever you want to say to me. It’s safer to talk telepathically so I’ve connected us. Let’s try not to get separated again. As for where we are…’  _ Lucifer pulls Dean down another aisle and his eyes scan the book titles. _ ‘We’re in a maze of Sam’s making. These books are memories. Mostly inane ones. I don’t think he knows we’re here yet but that will change if you keep running around and making a racket so stick close to me and don’t say a word.’ _

Mind reading. Fun.  _ ‘Got it. So how do we get out?’ _

_ ‘We find the memory he’s hidden here. The one he doesn’t want us to see.’ _

_ ‘… right. Naturally.’ _

_ ‘Just follow me, would you?’ _

After that Dean shuts up, sneaking through the stacks right on Lucifer’s heels. It feels weird to be following him but, Dean doesn’t have a whole lot of options right now so he’ll put his reservations aside for Sam’s sake.

The deafening silence carries on for a little longer before the ambient sounds slowly return to the library. Both of them visibly relax with relief when the phantom people return, taking it as a sign that Sam is no longer looking for them.

_ ‘I don’t get it, don’t we  _ _ want _ _ Sam to find us?’ _

Dean catches Lucifer give him an exaggerated eye roll.  _ ‘No. Definitely not. If Sam realises we’re here he’ll put all his defences up again and it’ll take us weeks to get through all of it. We have to get to his deep subconscious where he can’t control our surroundings like he can here. Like… did you ever watch Inception?’ _

_ ‘Wait, weeks?! You said you were stuck here for a few hours last time!’ _

_ ‘A few hours in real-time, yes. But time moves oddly in the human subconscious. A few hours in the waking world can be anywhere from minutes to  _ _ months _ _ in a dream.’ _

_ ‘So how long did it feel like last time before you got out?’ _

_ ‘… do you want me to answer that honestly?’ _

_ ‘I asked, didn’t I.’ _

_ ‘Sam caught me off-guard with the complexity of his mazes. I was trapped for what felt like approximately ten months.’ _

Dean feels his gut drop as he thinks about being trapped in Sam’s head with Lucifer for  _ a year _ .

_ ‘… and how long was that actually when you got out?’ _

‘ _ Two hours and fifty-three minutes.’ _

_ ‘Holy crap.’ _

_ ‘You can say that again.’ _

They continue to walk in silence for a bit while Dean chews on that bit of information. That… doesn’t sound good.  _ ‘How long do you think it’ll take us to find the way out of this one?’ _

Lucifer shrugs, not answering for a moment as his eyes quickly scan over all the book titles in this bookcase.  _ ‘No idea. A day? Two days? Your brother has a stronger mind than any other human I’ve seen. And he’s had years of experience manipulating his own mental space thanks to me.’ _

_ ‘Good going, Einstein.’ _

_ ‘Would you rather I  _ _ not _ _ have taught him how to manage his own mental barriers and defences while I possessed him? Would you be happier if there had been no separation between us and my personality just absorbed his until we were one being, inseparable from each other?’ _

_ ‘… no.’ _

_ ‘Then shut your trap, Dean.’ _

Dean mentally sighs to himself and wonders how much time has passed in the waking world.

_ ‘Just over five seconds.’ _

Damnit. ‘ _ I agreed to the telepathy but do you have to read my mind too?’ _

_ ‘I don’t think you understand,’  _ Lucifer thinks to him patiently, ‘ _ we’re mentally linked in here. I’m not reading your mind,  _ _ you _ _ are broadcasting. If you don’t want me picking up on your thoughts you need to establish mental barriers to keep me out. Please do, you’re being terribly distracting.’ _

_ ‘Please do, you’re being terribly distracting,’  _ Dean mocks him with his own voice and a roll of his eyes. Prick.

Lucifer sighs audibly.

Despite his annoyance with the blond, Dean does as asked and builds up a few mental firewalls. It’s not a terribly difficult skill all things considered. Dean’s are rudimentary at best but they do the job well enough when he puts the effort.

It was a necessary skill to learn back when he was the General of the Resistance. He stopped caring if Lucifer read his mind a while ago which is why he didn’t already have his walls up—thankfully it’s like riding a bike and after a few minutes he barely needs to focus on them.

‘ _ So how’d you know how long it’s actually been anyways?’  _ he asks once he’s satisfied with his shields.

_ ‘I’m a multidimensional being, Dean. I exist in and can observe all planes of existence at once.’ _

_ ‘So how come we just look like us here? Shouldn’t you look like your true self and I look like a floating ball of light or something?’ _

_ ‘Be grateful that I don’t.’ _ This time Lucifer’s answer is short, clipped. His irritation seems to be growing as they continue their trek.

_ ‘You didn’t answer my question.’ _

_ ‘I look like this because this is the form I chose to take here. You look like you because that is your default perception of yourself. Are you going to continue with the inane questions or are you going to help me look?’ _

_ ‘What are we even looking for?’ _

_ ‘A book, probably.’ _

_ ‘Probably?’ _

_ ‘I don’t know, I haven’t been to this maze before.’ _

_ ‘ _ _ Fantastic _ _.’ _

_ ‘If you’re so sure you can do it better, then why don’t  _ _ you _ _ find the exit? Where would something be hidden in a library if not inside a book?’ _

Dean thinks on it for a second before he stops dead in his tracks.  _ ‘Libraries don’t hide books, they display them. The ones hiding things are the people. Stop and listen, are they saying anything?’ _

Lucifer gives him an exasperated look but reluctantly obeys, closing his eyes and listening to the whispers and the turning pages.

After what seems like forever, Dean’s face lights up.  _ ‘It’s morse code! The footsteps I heard, and the pages flipping. It says…’ _

He listens hard for a moment but Lucifer comes up with the answer first.  _ ‘Amy Pond. Who’s that?’ _

Dean shrugs.  _ ‘No clue. Guess we’re gonna find out, right?’ _

But how do they find her book…

Oh.

Dean looks up and suddenly one of the bookcases stands out as it’s marked with a golden plaque labelled ‘P.’

None of the other bookcases have such a label.

He gestures for Lucifer to follow him as he makes for it.  _ ‘In this one.’ _

The bookcase is filled to the brim with books just like every other one they’ve come across… but after careful examination Lucifer spots a book high up on one of the shelves that’s just labelled ‘Amy Pond.’

_ ‘How’d you know this was here?’ _

_ ‘I saw a plaque.’ _

_ ‘I didn’t see one. How did you know to listen for the code?’ _

_ ‘Something Sam used to say. I hated research and he used to tell me he liked books better because they never hide anything, it’s people that keep secrets.’ _

Lucifer shakes his head in wonder at Dean.  _ ‘Maybe it was a good idea to bring you after all. Hold the book and we’ll open it together so we don’t get separated again.’ _

_ ‘Do we need to hold hands or something?’ _

_ ‘That might be a good idea, just to be safe.’ _

_ ‘Alright.’  _ Dean grabs the edge of the book with one hand and grips Lucifer’s forearm with the other. After a second of confusion, Lucifer grips his forearm in return so they have a tight grip on each other _. ‘Let ‘er rip.’ _

Without further delay Lucifer pulls his side of the book open and Dean doesn’t even see what’s on the inside before they tumble into another library together.

This one is different however. It’s filled with people and they can see the walls of it. After they both look around in confusion a while, Dean spots his little brother at one of the tables, his head bent down next to a girl about his age while they both look through a book together.

As he recognises his brother in his early teens, Dean realises this must be a memory.

His brother is just a kid here, laughing and chatting with a pretty young girl.

The scene shifts a moment later and Dean feels as if his grip on Lucifer is the only reason he doesn’t fall over.

There are a group of boys harassing the girl somewhere outdoors and Sam comes to her rescue.

She introduces herself as Amy.

The scene shifts again and now Sam is in a run-down little house, sharing a coke can with her. Wait, he recognises this place…

Soon the girl is hiding Sam in a closet and her mother comes home, yelling and raging about hunters.

Dean watches in silence as the young girl kills her own mother and then tells Sam to run while she takes care of things. He and his dad would arrive not long after to discover the scene; a dead monster and a scared little girl who they assumed just got very lucky.

A kitsune. And Amy Pond was one too. Sam kept her secret for all these years…

The memory stops moving and as they stand watching, the door to the closet Sam was hidden in begins to glow around the edges.

_ ‘That’s the way out,’ _ Lucifer says softly, gesturing for Dean to open the door. ‘ _ Think about finding Sam and open it.’ _

_ ‘Will this take us to him?’ _

_ ‘Probably not, but it should get us closer.’ _

Dean feels a bit of disappointment bubble up at his words.  _ ‘How long have we been here?’ _

_ ‘Twenty-six minutes.’ _

_ ‘Wait,  _ _ how _ _? It’s barely been ten minutes since I last asked!’ _

_ ‘I told you, time is strange here. If  _ _ you _ _ think it’s disorienting, just imagine how it is for me, watching time travel at different speeds in both planes simultaneously.’ _

_ ‘I don’t want to.’ _

_ ‘Neither do I. It makes me nauseous.’ _

_ ‘Doesn’t time travel weird in Hell too?’ _

_ ‘Why do you think dear old Dad made it that way?’ _

_ ‘Dick move. Shall we?’ _

_ ‘After you.’ _


	3. Memory 2: The Samulet

_ ‘After you.’ _

As Lucifer gestures for Dean to go ahead with his free hand, Dean shuts his eyes and focuses on finding his brother before he blindly reaches for the handle. As soon as he touches the door he can tell he’s been taken to another place. It’s not gut-wrenching like flying is though. Thankfully Lucifer is still with him, as he indicates by yanking his arm away the instant they arrive in this new place.

Dean half-hopes to see Sam when he opens his eyes but, no dice. This time they’re in a motel room. Only, there’s no door.

_ ‘Damnit, Sammy. You couldn’t give us an easy one, huh?’ _

_ ‘They will only get more difficult the deeper we go and the closer that we get to him.’ _

_ ‘Well aren’t you a ray of sunshine.’  _ Dean frowns at the odd surroundings as he turns in a circle to get a good look at the room. _ ‘So… same deal as the last place? We find the hidden memory and we get to move on?’ _

_ ‘Generally that’s the trick, yes.’ _

_ ‘Okay…’  _ Dean looks around at the dingey motel room that looks just like so many others they’ve used over the years. As he looks it over details actually shift and change from one glance to the next. It doesn’t just  _ look _ like every motel room… it  _ is _ simultaneously every motel room they’ve ever been in.  _ ‘This is trippy… do you see a way out?’ _

_ ‘Would we still be here if I did?’  _ Lucifer tersely asks him. _ ‘You can sit back for this one, I’m going to have to solve it. I hate these kind…’ _

Dean gives him a frown when Lucifer gestures for him to move out of the way as he starts methodically turning and looking around the room.  _ ‘What do you mean “ _ _ these _ _ ” kind? Isn’t it another maze like the last one?’ _

_ ‘A puzzle is more accurate. Most of the layers are just mazes with an exit but then there’s rooms that change like this one and I just have to watch how it shifts and memorise the pattern. It just takes time, that’s what I hate about it.’ _

Huh. Well, at least Lucifer knows what he’s doing. Dean shows his appreciation by flopping onto the bed and quieting down so as not to be a distraction.

Time-consuming puzzles.

Great.

Everything changes shape, colour, and size the second that it leaves his peripheral vision. It’s really kinda disorienting. But… cool, too.

Lucifer will probably figure it out first but it can’t hurt for him to try solving it anyways, right?

He focuses on the wall art, looking away from it and back to it to figure out if there’s a pattern. He does this for several minutes and counts up a whopping 32 different paintings, masks, and sculptures before he gets fed up.

_ ‘Are you seeing a pattern? I’m not.’ _

He can feel Lucifer’s irritation in the tone of his mental response.  _ ‘It could be very complex… but so far I’ve gone through 51 iterations of the room and there appears to be no consistency. Except…’  _ as he drifts off, Dean sits up to see the metaphorical lightbulb go off over Lucifer’s head.

He walks around the bed to the trash can by the door.  _ ‘Except for  _ _ this _ _. This stays the same.’ _

To check, Dean looks away a few times and sure enough, it stays exactly the same.  _ ‘Maybe Sam just doesn’t remember what most of the trash cans look like?’ _

_ ‘Or maybe he only remembers what  _ _ this _ _ particular trash can looked like for a reason.’ _ Lucifer looks inside and gestures for Dean to come closer.  _ ‘What’s this?’ _

Reluctantly, Dean makes his way over to it, frowning at the relatively inauspicious receptacle. It’s a trash can, it’s not…

His thoughts grind to a halt as he peers inside.

“Oh.”

Lucifer shoots him a disapproving look at the audible expression of surprise but Dean barely even notices that. Because inside that little trash can… is his necklace. The one he threw away after his last fight with Sam.

The one he now keeps tucked under his shirt where no one can see because his brother chose the dark side but… Dean misses him and it’s the only thing he has left of his brother.

He never did tell Sam he went back for it… his brother thinks he just left it there.

Dean knows what this memory is going to be and a guilty part of him really doesn’t want Lucifer to see it.  _ ‘Are you sure there’s no other way out?’ _

_ ‘I take it you recognise this then?’ _

_ ‘Yes…’ _

_ ‘This is the only way, Dean. If you wanna get to your brother this is it.’ _

_ ‘You’re supposed to be an archangel, can’t you just… break your way in or something?’ _

_ ‘Sure, if you want Sam to be a drooling vegetable. This is a human mind Dean, not one of our battlefields. Punching our way in will only hurt Sam.’ _

When Dean doesn’t move or mentally respond, Lucifer gives a long-suffering sigh.  _ ‘Look, we could still have a long way to go and time isn’t going to stop for our sake. We can wait here and waste time while you grow the balls to move forward, or we can just go for it like we’re going to do regardless because whatever hangups you have don’t outweigh saving Sam. So grab my hand and let’s move it already.’ _

_ ‘I can see why all of Hell follows you unquestioned,’  _ Dean responds sarcastically.  _ ‘Are you sure there’s not another way? It’s just, I know what this is and it’s not a good memory. I did something I regret.’ _

Lucifer rolls his eyes at Dean’s question.  _ ‘There’s not another way. I already know you’re an asshole Dean, but if it makes you feel better I’ll keep my eyes closed. Now can we  _ _ go _ _?’ _

He’s holding his hand out expectantly. Dean has half a mind to slap it away and go on his own but… if the mazes just get harder from here he’ll never be able to get through this all without Lucifer.  _ ‘Fine.’ _

Grabbing his hand, Dean shoots Lucifer a glare before he kneels down to pull the amulet out of the trash bin just like he did five years ago.

The second he touches it the scenery changes and he is  _ not _ getting used to this at all. Vertigo. Every time.

The memory starts with their fight, just like Dean expected. He internally cringes at the things he said to Sam… if only he knew then what he knows now.

A glance at the blond next to him shows Lucifer keeping his eyes shut as promised but… his disapproval bleeds through their mental link. Dean almost makes a comment about Lucifer keeping his own shields up but he can’t bring himself to give Lucifer a hard time. He kinda hates himself right now too.

After a moment, he feels the need to explain himself.  _ ‘I didn’t mean any of it I was just… angry.’ _

_ ‘And that makes it okay to verbally abuse your little brother?’ _

_ ‘No… but I am sorry.’ _

_ ‘Don’t bother telling me that,’  _ Lucifer’s one is clipped.  _ ‘I’m not the one who needs to hear it, clearly.’ _

_ ‘This was five years ago, cut me a break.’ _

_ ‘And I fell over a million years ago, do I get a break? Don’t look to me for sympathy Dean, I have none for you.’ _

Ouch.  _ ‘Hey—’ _

As he starts to think of some other way to justify himself to Satan, Lucifer opens his eyes to glare at him while cutting him off.  _ ‘Just stop, Dean. I don’t care. I said don’t get familiar and I meant it.’  _ His eyes briefly blaze red in warning. _ ‘We are not friends, or anything else  _ _ regardless _ _ of what you might think. We  _ _ are _ _ here to save Sam so that’s what we’re going to do. You don’t have to make small talk, you don’t have to explain yourself to me, and you definitely don’t have to tell me or ask me anything  _ _ personal _ _.’  _ He visibly shudders at the suggestion. _ ‘All we need to do is get Sam to wake up; so go back to doing what you’re good at and just hang behind and look pretty while we get this done. I don’t want to talk to you and you don’t really want to talk to me so let’s not, alright?’ _

By the time Lucifer is done ranting, the memory is over and the motel door is hanging open, just waiting for them to walk through it into the next memory vault.

Silence hangs heavy between them while Dean flounders for something to say to that. Double ouch.

Lucifer is  _ right _ though. Why is he bothering trying to talk to Lucifer now? ‘Cause they’re mentally linked? Because they’re both trying to get to Sam? Because of what  _ almost _ but  _ didn’t _ happen?

He half-regrets not going all the way when he had the chance. Judging by Lucifer’s attitude towards him now, he’ll never again get a chance to finish what he started. He won’t ever get to find out how Lucifer feels. Not that he even really  _ wants _ to, but he thinks Lucifer wouldn’t be this ornery towards him if he  _ had _ gone all the way.

In fact, given what he did see, he thinks Lucifer would be a  _ lot  _ more agreeable if Dean hadn’t left him high and… well,  _ not  _ dry, technically speaking.

Some of that line of thought must’ve bled through his mental barriers because the next thing he knows Lucifer is tearing his hand from Dean’s grip and the mental link is gone.

“I can’t  _ believe _ you,” Lucifer hisses in a hushed voice. “Do you even want to help Sam or should we just leave now while there’s nothing stopping us?”

The mental link being gone is slightly jarring. It hasn’t been very long, but Dean is already used to the dull hum of someone else’s trace thoughts and feelings alongside his. It was barely noticeable but now that it’s gone his head suddenly feels… very quiet.

In the same hushed level of voice as Lucifer, he starts to apologise, an ashamed blush colouring his cheeks. “That’s not… I’m sorry. My thoughts got away from me, I didn’t mean for you to hear that.”

“Oh and  _ that _ makes it okay. You were just going to  _ think _ that I’m pissed at you because I didn’t get the  _ honour _ of being your latest conquest but you weren’t going to say it to my face so that makes it  _ fine. _ ” Lucifer’s anger and sarcasm are tangible. “Fuck you Dean. Seriously, fuck you. I’m done. We’re leaving.”

“Wait!” Dean has the presence of mind not to grab Lucifer this time. “Just, Wait. No I didn’t… I didn’t mean it like that. I just…” he gives a slightly frustrated sigh. “You’re right. I should just shut up before I say anything else stupid and crude. Can we go back to saving Sam and pretend this didn’t happen?”

“…” Lucifer has his back to Dean. After a few seconds his shoulders go from tensed and angry back to begrudgingly relaxed.  _ ‘Fine. For Sam, not because I accept your apology.’ _

Dean is relieved to hear it. He’s also relieved to feel the mental link put back up and this time he is careful to put sturdy mental shields around his thoughts before he says or thinks anything.

This place is so  _ alien _ … even if he doesn’t like Lucifer much, it’s good to be able to feel someone else at all times so he knows he’s not alone.  _ ‘Yeah, I’m a dick, I get it. You are too, pal. Let’s just get a move on before we die of old age. How much time has passed?’ _

_ ‘Before  _ _ you _ _ die of old age,’  _ Lucifer corrects. 

_ ‘Yeah, whatever. Time?’ _

_ ‘One hour, four minutes.’ _

_ ‘Holy crap, are you serious?’ _

_ ‘Deadly. Thankfully, the deeper we get into his subconscious, the less time should pass in the material plane.’ _

_ ‘Material plane?’ _

_ ‘Prime plane, 3 _ _ rd _ _ dimension, waking world, whatever you want to call it.’ _

_ ‘Okay…’  _ Dean shoots him a sideways glance.  _ ‘So… kinda like how the deeper you sleep, your dream can feel like it lasted days but you’ve only been asleep for a couple hours? But if you’re a light sleeper it can feel like you closed your eyes for a second but half a day went by?’ _

_ ‘Dean, you do realise I don’t sleep, right?’ _

_ ‘You’re kinda sleeping now.’ _

_ ‘No, I’m astral projecting myself and I am conscious of all planes of existence at once. I am awake. So are you, but you can only comprehend one plane at a time.’ _ He looks a bit smug as he adds,  _ ‘your body went limp when we went in. I had to catch you and put you on the bed. Your eyes are open but you’re not moving it’s… kinda creepy actually.’ _

_ ‘… you lost me.’ _

_ ‘Would you like me to put it in terms even a monkey like you can understand?’ _

_ ‘… nah, you kinda suck at explaining things. But you can move your regular body even while we’re here?’ _

_ ‘I can. You could too, with enough mental training. I’ll warn you, it’s quite nauseating to do with time moving at different paces however.’ _

_ ‘Yeah, I’ll stick with the creepy eyes-open sleeping. So, through this door?’ _

_ ‘Indeed. Hand?’ _

Dean holds his out for Lucifer to take. It’s a little weird but Dean is choosing to treat it more like ‘kindergarten buddy system’-weird than ‘I’m holding my arch-nemesis’s hand more often than I would hold my girlfriend’s hand’-weird.

Dean isn’t even really… that into guys. Like they’re okay but he likes girls.

Like sure there was that time with Cass but he only agreed to it because there were like nine chicks there too. And… they wanted to see him and Cass do some freaky stuff. It doesn’t matter now.

And yeah, there was that one time with Chuck but they were both  _ really _ drunk. It can’t have  _ actually _ been as good as he remembers.

And Lucifer…

Why is he thinking about this now? Focus, Dean. Come on. Eyes on the ball.

Grabbing Lucifer’s hand, Dean drags them both through the door and into their next puzzle.


	4. Memory 3: Dean

‘ _ How much time?’ _

Lucifer closes his eyes briefly at the now-repetitive question. Dean is giving him a headache.

He is a multi-dimensional being. He has multiple heads.  _ All _ of them ache.  _ ‘One hour, forty-eight minutes, thirty-two seconds.’ _

Dean asks this question every time they start a new puzzle. The novelty of his companionship has long since drifted from ‘acceptable’ into the ‘annoyance’ category. Lucifer almost prefers when he was alone.

At least the puzzles feel easier to solve this time around. With any luck, getting to Sam won’t take nearly as long as it took Lucifer to get out last time.

They’re learning all kinds of things as they go. Sam must be thinking about Dean a lot since his confrontation with Lucifer. He has to be, because a disproportionate amount of these memories have featured the older brother. It’s either a result of Sam’s thoughts being focused on his brother, the latter’s presence, or mere chance. Lucifer finds the first option to be the most probable one.

Through Sam’s memories, Lucifer has seen Dean be everything from a jerk to a godsend.

He’s seen Dean ditch his brother in a shady motel room to go play arcade games or spend the night with a girl. He’s seen Dean call Sam a freak and a monster—a bitch as well. According to Dean however, that one is a term of endearment. He’s seen Dean cut Sam down with nothing but words and he’s seen Dean break Sam’s heart over and over.

… But…

He’s also seen Dean swoop in to knock a bully flat on his ass before he could lay a finger on Sam. Dean has saved Sam and protected him time and time again. He’s seen Dean sacrifice his own health and safety for Sam’s sake. He’s seen Dean trade his soul for Sam’s life without hesitation. He’s seen Sam say things to Dean that are harsher than anything Dean ever said to him and he watched Dean just  _ take it _ . He’s seen Dean cheer Sam up time and time again in little ways, tiny gestures that only Dean could know would work. He’s seen Dean drive Sam out to the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night so they can relax on top of the car and watch fireworks with the best seat in the house all to themselves.

Whatever bad Dean’s done… he’s done thrice as much good in Sam’s life.

Lucifer instinctively knows that if Dean had changed his mind before Sam came to him… Lucifer never would have won. Sam only gave him sympathy because Dean—the brightest beacon of hope in his life—ultimately rejected him.

Feeling Sam’s pain in those memories… Lucifer knows Dean’s rejection hurt Sam far more than Michael’s rejection hurt Lucifer. Or perhaps the memory of that pain has just dulled with the passage of time.

Dean is a conundrum and his entire  _ being _ gives Lucifer a headache.

_ ‘Not bad _ ,’ Dean remarks over their mental link. ‘ _ You were right about these memory puzzles taking less time the deeper we get. That one was what? Two seconds?’ _

_ ‘One and a half seconds,’  _ Lucifer responds.  _ ‘And of course I was right. I’m always right.’ _

Dean scoffs softly at the comment but doesn’t argue. He can feel Lucifer’s annoyance with him growing the longer they spend here and he’d rather not push his luck. Lucifer has already threatened to bail and leave him here to find his way on his own twice over the past… Dean estimates it’s taken them about five weeks to get this far. It’s hard to tell when he never gets tired and there’s not exactly any big bright ball in the sky to tell the time by.

It  _ is _ mentally exhausting however. They’ve both started to wear a bit thin recently, which particularly shows through their deteriorating mental shields. Dean used to get nothing but the hum of his mind from Lucifer but now he occasionally catches a stray thought or two that Lucifer fails to corral. He is guilty of the same but he’s gotten better about just keeping his train of thought focused on their task.

By this point, neither of them bothers to chastise the other about it. There’s only so much they can control when they’re both this brain-tired.

Lucifer particularly has begun to look a bit pale. Rather than rise to his bait, Dean decides to change the subject.  _ ‘You’re not looking so hot, dude.’ _

_ ‘Heat is not my element,’ _ Lucifer responds stubbornly.

_ ‘You know that’s not what I mean. And yeah, I know, thanks for the millionth reminder that you burn  _ _ cold _ _ , Frozone. What do you want me to do, give you a medal?’ _

Lucifer doesn’t dignify the tease with a response. His eyes remain shut and Dean catches a stray prayer asking for patience.

_ ‘Seriously though, you’re not gonna pass out or something are you?’ _

_ ‘I cannot pass out, Dean. I don’t require sleep.’ _

‘ _ Is it that hard to answer me?’ _

_ ‘No, I just don’t care to answer stupid questions that you don’t actually care about the answer to.’ _

_ ‘And who says I don’t care? We’ve been stuck solving puzzles together for over a month-ish but I don’t get to be worried about your mental health yet?’ _

Lucifer stares.

Dean seems to realise what he said a second after he said it.  _ ‘Forget it. Just go back to thinking about how miserable I make you.’ _

Silence reigns for a little bit as Lucifer tries to process what just happened.

His headache gets worse.

_ ‘… I’m fine,’  _ he eventually says.  _ ‘And I’m sorry. You don’t make me miserable, you just… you make me think and I’m giving myself a headache. It’s not your fault.’ _

They’re in another motel room—this one remaining static thankfully—so Lucifer plops himself down on the bed.  _ ‘I’m not tired or anything it’s just… like I’ve said before, this time nonsense is nauseating. Last time I could ignore it mostly because I’m not going to die if I go for days without food or water. You will, so I have to pay attention to how much time has passed, since you won’t be aware if you’re hungry or something while we’re here.’ _

Now it’s Dean’s turn to blink because… he expected more surliness from Lucifer, not an apology and an actual explanation he can understand.

‘ _ The nausea makes me… disagreeable.’ _ Lucifer finishes his explanation. ‘ _ And you’re right, we’ve been stuck here long enough that I shouldn’t be taking things that aren’t your fault out on you.’ _

Dean cautions a smile when Lucifer finishes. ‘ _ Apology accepted. So is this you admitting you  _ _ aren’t _ _ always right?’ _

_ ‘Stuff it.’ _

_ ‘That’s a yes.’ _

_ ‘I said  _ _ stuff _ _ it. You really know how to ruin a moment, you know that?’ _

_ ‘I know. It’s a rule I have. No ch—’ _

_ ‘—chick flick moments. Yes I know. I saw the memories too. I still don’t know what that means though.’ _

_ ‘You’ve never watched a chick flick?’ _

_ ‘I don’t know what a chick flick  _ _ is _ _.’ _

_ ‘Fuck man, we gotta find a memory of Sam watching the notebook or something. They’re movies. Like romantic ones. Usually made for girls.’ _

Lucifer shakes his head, bewildered.  _ ‘And, you want to find a memory of one of these to watch with me… why exactly?’ _

_ ‘For educational purposes. It’s not every day I get to teach a multidimensional being something new.’ _

Lucifer shakes his head, but his mind gives off a vaguely fond hum. ‘ _You might be surprised by how many things I’ve learned from you, Dean.’_ With that, Lucifer slides off the motel bed with a clap of his hands. _‘Anyways, break time is over. Let’s crack this puzzle, shall we?’_


	5. Memory 4: Phobia

_ ‘Two hours, twenty-one minutes, three seconds.’ _

Dean hasn’t had to ask Lucifer for the time over the past… it’s been probably a month. They’ve been here for almost three months already.

It’s getting to the point where they almost don’t even need to be able to  _ actually _ read each other’s minds to… read each other’s minds.

Dean shoots Lucifer a slightly concerned look. His… partner really hasn’t been looking great. At first Dean was worried for his own sake—he doesn’t want to end up stuck here on his own because Lucifer keels over or something. But as they’ve been forced to work together so closely and Dean has seen some of Sam’s memories involving Lucifer…

Well, maybe he misjudged the guy. Just a bit.

It was one of Sam’s memories that revealed the actual fates of Dean’s resistance. Castiel, Chuck, Kevin, Charlie… his friends aren’t dead. They’re all in prisons of varying degrees. Dean’s is definitely the cushiest, but they’re  _ alive. _

When Dean almost punched Lucifer for letting him think there’s no one left, Lucifer explained.

He kept Castiel because despite everything else they are family, and he never wanted to harm his family. He’s promised Castiel power sourced from himself in exchange for his loyalty. He promised Castiel can be an angel again. He hasn’t taken the offer yet.

He kept Kevin because he is a future prophet. As an archangel, he cannot harm a single hair on the young man’s body. Nor would he want to; it’s always a good idea to keep a prophet around.

He keeps Chuck for similar reasons, but mostly because Chuck intrigues Lucifer. He looks like a prophet, sounds like a prophet… but Lucifer can’t shake the feeling that he is  _ not _ actually a prophet. For now, he’s just keeping him holed up with Kevin in a little one-story house in Michigan.

Charlie, Bobby, Ellen, Jo, Ash… Lucifer kept all of them not because Sam didn’t want them dead—he didn’t promise Sam he would protect them like he promised to protect Dean—Lucifer doesn’t want to eradicate humanity. He wants to start this world over and make it better. Sam, Nick, and—amazingly—Dean are the ones who eventually changed his mind about humans. He used to think they were nothing, just mindless beasts who destroyed the world for their own sake. Now he’s seen what they can do when they band together and he is  _ impressed _ .

He could make his own humans but those would not be the ones who impressed him. He wants  _ these _ strong-willed people to own the world he recreates. He doesn’t want to be worshipped, he wants them to tell their kin the truth. He wants them to pass on the story that God did not save them when the world ended. He wants them to know it was Lucifer who spared humanity because they  _ earned _ their right to live. And that’s how  _ every _ human should live their lives for the rest of eternity. Their right to life is  _ earned _ , not given.

Dean told Lucifer he thinks that’s a little extreme, but it’s  _ something _ .

Dean really started to warm up to Lucifer once that was revealed. He half-wondered why Lucifer never told him before he saw it in that memory. When he did, Lucifer caught the thought and told him it’s because he had this dumb idea that he could earn Dean’s respect— and possibly his friendship— the hard way.

He respects Dean because  _ even _ when he failed… he kept his dignity and never once begged for mercy. Dean earned Lucifer’s respect for him by virtue of  _ who he is, _ not by just one thing he did.

It’s an odd thing to think about.

At Lucifer’s request, Dean didn’t let knowing Lucifer didn’t kill his friends drastically effect his opinion of Lucifer. He didn’t let himself go from hating to liking Lucifer overnight, but it did make him more open to the idea that Lucifer isn’t a complete monster.

After all, Sam’s memories show that Lucifer’s demons follow him because they believe in him and they love him—it’s not solely out of fear. He’s a good leader and he’s passionate about his beliefs. His beliefs don’t… quite line up with Dean’s of course, but from an objective view it’s an admirable trait. He earned Nick’s friendship and Sam’s friendship… maybe even more than friendship from Sam.

Dean can’t quite nail it down but it’s clear that Sam feels strongly about Lucifer and admires him quite a lot. And it’s clear that Lucifer cares about Sam and admires him as well. He doesn’t get the feeling that it’s a sexual attraction they have, however. It’s deeper than that—more profound. They’ve come to understand each other in a way only they can comprehend. Lucifer says it’s because they are two halves of a whole and if Dean had said yes to Michael, he might understand the connection he and Sam share.

For now Dean is just content to know Lucifer will protect his brother with his last breath.

And that they probably aren’t going to fuck like Lucifer implied before.

After all that (and three months of solving puzzles and holding hands with Lucifer), Dean finally decides to give the guy an honest chance. He has  _ more _ than earned Dean’s respect by now, the next step is to decide if he wants to consider Lucifer his friend or not.

Looking at the slightly off-balance blonde… he could definitely use a friend right now. Or at least a friendly voice.

_ ‘Look, I don’t mean to insult your pride or whatever, but you really don’t seem like you’re doing great. If you need a break, just say so.’ _

Lucifer frowns. It’s not his usual “you’re giving me a category 5 headache” frown, however. It’s more of the “surprised” variety.

Eventually, he speaks.  _ ‘… I can probably go a little while longer before I actually need a break but… thanks.’ _

_ ‘You got it, buddy. So what do you think is the trick with this one?’ _

_ ‘Well, it looks like a Madame Tussaud’s wax museum. But everything here is… creepy, and I don’t see any famous people.’ _

_ ‘Yeah. Sam and I have been to a couple of those wax museums but this one is pushing extra on the creep-factor. If this place wasn’t so fancy and… organised I’d call it a haunted house.’ _

_ ‘Exactly. Do you see the plaques? Trypophobia, Arachnophobia, Claustrophobia, Cynophobia…’  _ as he speaks, he points (respectively) to a man looking horrified at the holes riddled through his arm, a woman covered in spiders, a child huddled up in a corner, and a vicious-looking mutt.

Dean frowns.  _ ‘I don’t see any plaques.’ _

_ ‘I only noticed them when I mentioned it was creepy. I think I’ve figured it out—they’re all common fears. And Sam is most afraid of  _ **_Clowns_ ** _. We find the clown, we find the way out.’ _

_ ‘I’ve always wondered why the big guy was so afraid of them. I mean, we’ve killed way creepier stuff.’ _

_ ‘I suppose we’re about to find out.’ _

Leading the way, Lucifer heads down the hallway. He pauses at the one of the child hunched over on himself in a corner for just a moment before he moves on. Dean notes that he walks just a bit faster after he passes it.

The hallway seems to go on forever. Weird, because usually when they know their destination or goal, they find it pretty quickly. Did Lucifer get it wrong?

Like most of Sam’s memories and the puzzles guarding them, Dean learns a few things as he walks past the wax figures. He learns that the fear of being without WiFi/mobile phone coverage is called  _ Nomophobia _ . And Ombrophobia is the fear of rain. 

_ ‘Hey, do you see an end to this hallway? Or even a turn?’ _

_ ‘I don’t… this is odd. Usually we come across the answer by this point.’ _

_ ‘Yeah…’  _ Dean stops walking and Lucifer does too.  _ ‘I think we’ve passed by that dog a few times too. It’s nasty. Is it possible to get lost or walk in circles along an endless, perfectly straight hallway?’ _

_ ‘In the real world, no. Here? Probably. Maybe we just need to walk back…’ _ Lucifer trails off as he turns around and stares a little bit past Dean.  _ ‘Dean? Turn around. Tell me I’m not crazy.’ _

Dean turns, looking back down the same endless hallway they just passed through.  _ ‘What?’ _

_ ‘You don’t see the wall?’  _ Lucifer turns back around to the other end of the hallway and backs up towards Dean.  _ ‘Where did the hallway go?’ _

_ ‘Hey, whoah, what?’  _ Dean instinctively grabs Lucifers shoulders as he back into him.  _ ‘It’s right there, you don’t see it?’ _

Lucifer spins around to face him and if he looked pale before, he looks white as a ghost now—which is a stupid expression. Ghosts are usually kinda dirty and covered in blood. Not white at all.  _ ‘No, I… the hallway is gone… you don’t see the walls?’  _ He jumps suddenly and looks upwards.  _ ‘The light is gone… there’s a ceiling… Dean what’s happening?’ _

Dean keeps a hold of Lucifer’s arm, making certain that they don’t get separated. Lucifer is clearly starting to freak out so it’s up to Dean to figure out what the heck is going on.  _ ‘Lucifer, Nothing has changed. Hold my hand, and we’re gonna walk through the wall together so you can see it’s just a mind-trick, okay?’ _

_ ‘Okay…’ _

Dean hears Lucifer taking an audible breath before readjusting their hands so they have a stronger grip on each other.

When Dean is sure they’re not gonna slip out of each others’ grasp he starts pulling Lucifer back along the hall they just walked down until Lucifer comes to a halt and Dean can’t pull him any further.

_‘Dean? Dean?!’_ Lucifer is _definitely_ in full panic-mode now. _‘I can’t see anything but I feel the wall. I can’t pass through it I— Where are you?’_

Dean can see from Lucifer’s openly terrified expression that he’s not faking this or screwing with Dean in any way. He legitimately thinks he’s trapped in a dark room. His wide eyes are even turning blindly in every direction like he can’t see a thing.

Well. This is definitely a new one. They’ve both seen things that the other doesn’t see while they’re in here but… never to  _ this _ degree.

_ ‘I’m right here. You still feel my hand, right? I’m coming back to you. Just… close your eyes and try to remember what the hallway looks like. Read my mind so you can see what I see.’ _

Lucifer nods and closes his eyes like Dean instructed him to. He relaxes a little bit when Dean passes back through the “wall” and stays close to him.

He doesn’t say anything however, so after a long silence Dean speaks up again.  _ ‘Lucifer… are you claustrophobic?’ _

The archangel gives him a weak laugh.  _ ‘What? Of course not. I’m an all-powerful archangel who is currently ruling the world, why would I be afraid of  _ **_anything_ ** _?’ _

_ ‘I thought you said you don’t lie.’ _

_ ‘… Dean, please don’t push your luck. Again, I’m  _ **_me_ ** _. Why on Earth would I be afraid of something as stupid as… enclosed spaces. I can always just fly out.’ _

_ ‘You can’t now.’ _

Lucifer swallows and Dean can see the flash of discomfort cross his features.  _ ‘It’s just a trick. It will pass.’ _

_ ‘What if it doesn’t? Lucifer, maybe this is what we were supposed to find. One of our fears, and maybe you have to admit it and overcome it? I don’t know, we’ve solved weirder puzzles.’ _

_ ‘But that doesn’t make sense… all of these puzzles are about  _ **_Sam_ ** _. Why would one suddenly be about one of us?’ _

_ ‘To slow us down? Sam knows you were here before, maybe he prepared for if you came back.’ _

_ ‘That’s possible… so this may not even be a puzzle at all? Was it just a trap and… I got caught in it?’ _

_ ‘Maybe, but there’s always a way out, okay? Sam likes you, he’d just try to scare you away, he wouldn’t actually trap you here.”  _ Dean carefully puts his arm around his shoulders.  _ “Keep your eyes closed. Sit down, let’s take that break now and we’ll think of something.’ _

Again Lucifer nods, letting Dean guide him to sit on the floor where he leans against Dean’s side and keeps his eyes tightly shut. Dean keeps his mind open to Lucifer so that he can see the hallway as Dean sees it.

_ ‘Why are you scared of small spaces?’ _

For a while, Dean thinks Lucifer isn’t going to answer him.

But finally…  _ ‘The cage that God banished me to is small. And dark. I didn’t even have space to unfurl my wings. I wasn’t scared while I was there but now that I’m free… the thought of going back terrifies me.’ _ He buries his head in his knees in shame and Dean feels pretty bad for the poor guy.  _ ‘So I… get a little freaked out in small spaces. Even when I can leave at any time. It’s… irrational. Embarrassing.’ _

_ ‘I don’t know, it sounds pretty human to me.’ _

_ ‘… not long ago I would have considered that an insult.’ _

_ ‘Do you now?’ _

_ ‘the jury is still out.’ _

Dean laughs over their mental link and pats Lucifer’s back.  _ ‘You’re alright, man. Just take it easy for a bit, I’ll wait right here with you until you start to feel better. Okay?” _

_ “Thanks, Dean.” _

_ “No problem, Lucifer.” _

Dean feels it when Lucifer begins to relax a little. It’s not immediate—Lucifer stays pretty shaken up and on edge about his extremely vivid hallucinations for several minutes. But slowly, ever so slowly, he starts to loosen up and lean into Dean’s side.

He doesn’t open his eyes even after he begins to relax. Dean thinks that’s a good idea. He’s certain that the walls aren’t real and Lucifer will be able to walk right through them as soon as  _ he _ believes they aren’t real. But seeing is believing so the longer Lucifer goes without seeing, the easier it’ll be to… not believe in them.

Or something like that.

In his attempt to calm Lucifer down, Dean opened his mind to him so Lucifer can see through his eyes and feel what he feels. He can hear every thought he has and Dean  _ thinks _ it’s helping.

_ ‘It is,’ _ comes Lucifer’s amused voice in his head.  _ ‘Again, thank you. I don’t know how to… fully express my gratitude. I owe you.’ _

Dean shakes his head before he remembers that Lucifer’s eyes are closed. Then he almost tells Lucifer no before he remembers he doesn’t have mental shields up so Lucifer knew he was shaking his head anyways. This is crazy.

He hears Lucifer laugh softly through his mind.  _ ‘No? Why not?’ _

_ ‘Because…’  _ Dean struggles with himself for a moment.  _ ‘It’s not right to ask you for something in return. You don’t owe me anything. I mean; I’m not helping you because I want something to show for it? Do you get what I mean?’ _

_ ‘I think I understand. And… I hope you understand that if you were in my place, after all we’ve been through here, I would do the same for you without expecting repayment.’ _

_ ‘Cool.’ _

Dean chews his lip for a moment.

_ ‘So are we friends?’  _

Dean is pretty surprised to hear that question from Lucifer. His initial,  _ gut- _ response is no. But his thoughts quickly reevaluate that as he studies Lucifer’s carefully blank face. _ Are _ they friends?

He’s certainly befriended people after less time working together than he has with Lucifer. But he has to also consider the fact that they were opposing leaders fighting each other in a war. Can they really reconcile enough after something like  _ that _ to be considered  _ friends _ ?

He did tell himself he’d give Lucifer a chance. The guy isn’t as bad as he thought… he’s actually kinda likeable now that they’re on the same side about something. And he can keep up with Dean’s banter better than anyone,  _ even _ Sam could.

After another moment’s deliberation, he settles on a maybe. And he also realises that Lucifer probably heard all of that thought process. But honestly his thoughts were so tangled and all over the place he doubts any of it was decipherable for Lucifer.

He gets a snort of affirmation from the aforementioned archangel.

His voice is apologetic as he musters together a coherent response.  _ ‘I dunno, Lucifer. We’re not enemies, at least. We’re getting there.’ _

Lucifer accepts that answer with a somewhat relieved nod.  _ ‘I wasn’t sure. I don’t… have many friends to pull from as examples. My two closest friends are former vessels and that makes it… more complicated than a typical friendship I think.’ _

_ ‘I’ll bet,’ _ Dean agrees.  _ ‘But hey, keep being cool and I think we’ll be alright. Can’t promise you an uncomplicated friendship though, bud.’ _

_ ‘Oh good. I abhor normalcy,’  _ Lucifer responds with a smile.  _ ‘Not necessarily by choice.’ _

That gets a snicker out of Dean.  _ ‘I’d believe it. Are you feeling better now? Wanna try walking down the hallway again?’ _

_ ‘Yeah.’ _

Dean thinks Lucifer sounds a bit more confident than he looks.  _ ‘Awesome. Keep your eyes closed for now though. I’ll lead you down the hall.’ _

When Lucifer nods, Dean projects what he sees to Lucifer so that he doesn’t feels quite so blind as Dean helps him up and begins to pull him down the hallway.

He feels more gratitude from Lucifer, but no more words are exchanged as they begin to make their way out of Lucifer’s invisible box. There’s a little resistance when Lucifer is standing up and Dean is trying to get him to start walking. The wall was  _ right _ in front of him before… he knows it isn’t there, he just saw Dean walk through the empty air… from Dean’s perspective at least. But if he takes a step forward and hits the wall again it becomes real.

_ ‘Dude, there’s nothing there. Just take a step forward and show this place who’s boss.’ _

_ ‘I know that just… give me a second. Please.’ _

Dean wants to argue but… he can tell by the sharpened background hum of Lucifer’s mind that he’s scared.  _ ‘Okay, dude. Take your time. Come to me when you’re ready.’  _ He pats Lucifer on the shoulder supportively, his other hand staying in Lucifer’s death-grip.  _ ‘I can wait as long as you need me to on the other side of this wall that doesn’t exist.’ _

_ ‘Dean…’ _

_ ‘Sorry, I shouldn’t joke. Would it be easier if I just yank you through when you’re not expecting it?’ _

_ ‘If I said yes, then I  _ **_would_ ** _ be expecting it.’ _

_ ‘You have a point. Guess that’s a no, then.’ _

When Lucifer looks like he’s about to say something obnoxious, Dean yanks him as hard as he can by his arm. The look of surprise on Lucifer’s face is priceless as his eyes fly open and he stumbles and crashes into Dean’s arms. Dean only just barely manages to turn his head enough that their faces don’t smash into each other. Lucifer’s momentum sends him practically  _ through _ Dean, making the two of them fall over onto the floor.

Dean half expects Lucifer to yell at him, but the archangel is too busy sitting up and looking around them both with the most heartbreakingly bright smile on his face.

_ ‘It’s gone! No, it was never there to begin with. Dean!’ _

Lucifer doesn’t let complete thoughts slip past his mental shielding very often so it’s a surprise when Dean hears this one.

_ ‘I’m so happy right now, I could kiss you.’ _

It’s surprising because it’s just so… candid. Lucifer clearly didn’t mean to think that and he must not realise that Dean heard it, either. For about two seconds he’s really tempted to tease Lucifer about it but he lets it slide.

The guy’s been through enough of an ordeal.

‘ _ You know it, buddy.’ _ Dean pats the archangel on his shoulder companionably.  _ ‘Alright, Maybe now we can find a way out of here. This is the first time in my life I’ll be happy to see a clown.’ _

_ ‘I wonder if this was all just a trick meant to make us kill time? Maybe none of this is really in our way?’ _

They both pause for a moment and wait to see if the hallway will dissolve that easily… but no dice.

_ ‘Worth a shot,’ _ Dean shrugs.

_ ‘If only it paid off. So what do you think? We have to confront your fear?’ _

_ ‘That’d be hard, I fear nothing.’ _

_ ‘Flying.’ _

_ ‘Okay,  _ **_one_ ** _ thing. But I haven’t seen anything for aviophobia yet and we’ve just been passing the same things over and over.’ _

_ ‘Well, maybe you’ll get lucky. If it makes you feel better, I wouldn’t let you fall.’ _

_ ‘Thanks, but I’d be way happier if my feet never left the ground in the first place. If humans were meant to fly, we would’ve had wings.’ _

_ ‘Hm. I disagree. Daddy-o gave you something far greater: brains and free will. You don’t need wings to fly, the limit to what humans are meant to do is what they can imagine and achieve.’ _

_ ‘You’re sounding dangerously pro-human there, bud.’ _

_ ‘I already told you, I’ve decided your species is more than it seems. There’s a reason I’m keeping some of you around.’ _

_ ‘How many, exactly?’ _

_ ‘Two hundred. One hundred men, one hundred women. Enough to repopulate this world. That isn’t counting your friends and the other humans who have managed to impress me. When I have finished restoring Japan I will move all of you there and your people will lead the remaining humans. Under my watch.’ _

_ ‘So is this like… an experiment to you? If we piss you off are you gonna just wipe us out?’ _

_ ‘No, no. You earned your place in the world fair and square. Anyways, with Heaven closed off I think I’d go crazy if the only intelligent forms I shared this world with were demons.’ _

_ ‘Point. So, if we tried to regroup and take you down again you wouldn’t retaliate?’ _

_ ‘I mean, I’d like to see you try without weapons or access to spell ingredients. But no. I understand I will likely be resented for a very long time but my goal is to eventually win your trust and work with you. I want this world to thrive and grow. It was once so beautiful and it has now deteriorated so much at the expense of your people’s progress. I want to show you a better way and I want to help you progress and invent without destroying the world you live on. Do you have any  _ **_idea_ ** _ how much carbon was polluting your atmosphere? Do you know how quickly the world’s forests were dying? Human life was becoming unsustainable much quicker than you’d guess.’ _

_ ‘I mean that checks out. You cleaned the atmosphere?’ _

_ ‘And the oceans. You should see how clear water can be. The ocean floor is visible again, as it should be.’ _

_ ‘But how?’ _

_ ‘I’m a very powerful being, Dean. I needed a nap afterwards.’ _

_ ‘A nap?’ _

_ ‘A trance, really. I was inert and gathering power for a little over three days.’ _

_ ‘Like power-saver mode.’ _

_ ‘If that analogy helps you imagine it. Yes.’ _

_ ‘So that’s where you disappeared to…’ _

_ ‘If you’re referring to the week before I found a way to have my own body; yes that’s why I didn’t visit you at all.’ _

The week before he found a way to have his own body… that’s one way to put it.

‘ _ In fact I decided to try the manufactured vessel then  _ **_because_ ** _ that’s when I was at my weakest and the least likely to immediately burn through it. I’m glad it’s lasted as well as it has. _ ’

_ ‘Same here.’ _ Dean really hoped it continues working out; he’s missed his brother a lot. ‘ _ We’re off-topic. C’mon, let’s keep our eyes peeled.’ _

_ ‘No need,’  _ Lucifer smiles, pulling Dean to a stop in front of a display and gesturing to it. It’s the Claustrophobia display, but now the child is sitting cross-legged and no longer looks scared. Around his neck is a key on a chain and behind him is a door set into the wall.  _ ‘I think we may have our way out.’ _

_ ‘I’m gonna have a lot of questions for Sam when we find him.’ _

_ ‘Hold onto them, it may be a while yet.’ _


	6. Memory 5: The Catch

_ ‘Five hours, six minutes, thirty-one seconds.’ _

Neither of them has to ask before they find a spot to sit down. Dean can feel Lucifer’s nausea and Lucifer can feel his mental exhaustion. A silent agreement passes between them as they see this place—another motel room—and decide this is as good a puzzle as any to take a break in.

Lucifer takes the bed and Dean takes the couch.  _ ‘I lost track of how long it feels like we’ve been here.’ _

_ ‘I’m keeping count,’  _ Dean tells him.  _ ‘It feels like about 5 months, this is the 592 _ _ nd _ _ puzzle. Do you think we’re getting close?’ _

_ ‘I couldn’t say,’  _ Lucifer sighs from where he’s flopped himself backwards on the bed. He rubs his temples with his thumbs to help ease his nausea and persisting headache. Dean is no longer the source, it’s just exhaustion and mental exertion weighing on him.  _ ‘It’s been longer than it took me to escape alone. But that was getting out, this is getting  _ **_to_ ** _ Sam. We might be here for another seven months.’ _

_ ‘Well. At least the company is good,’  _ Dean sighs and sinks into the couch.

Lucifer doesn’t disagree with him, at least. He does feel a vague sense of amusement over their mental bond. It happens more often now—Lucifer letting thoughts and feelings slip his shields. Dean kinda wishes it would happen more; he accidentally lets things slip all the time but it feels like he only gets to see what Lucifer wants him to see. Even the thoughts that do get loose aren’t things Lucifer would necessarily want to hide.

Well. All except one.

_ ‘You know, it might be less stressful on both of us if we just ditched the mental shields. I mean, I’m no good at it anyways. And what’ve we got to hide, right?’ _

_ ‘… why bring this up now?’  _ Lucifer’s body has stilled on the bed. Even though he can’t see him, Dean bets that he’s frowning.

_ ‘No particular reason. Just seems like your headache is always getting worse and it feels kinda unnecessary now, since we’re not at each other’s throats anymore.’ _

Slowly, Lucifer props himself up on his elbows to look at Dean. He’s clearly put some of his focus into his shields again because now Dean is getting nothing but their telepathic speech.

_ ‘… You say that now, but to you this is all more or less a dream. You may not remember any of this when we return.’ _

_ ‘Wait,’ _ Now Dean has a whole other problem so for the moment he forgets about trying to talk Lucifer into putting his guard down a little.  _ ‘I’ll just wake up like we were dreaming the whole time? You’re telling me I won’t remember all of this? Why haven’t you said that before?!’ _

Lucifer winces slightly as Dean yells in his head.  _ ‘… until several weeks ago… I didn’t think you’d care. In fact I thought you’d be relieved to know so I kept it from you because I can be… petty. I’m sorry.’ _

_ ‘I’m not mad at you,’  _ Dean quickly amends.  _ ‘I mean I’m a  _ **_little_ ** _ peeved but mostly I’m just worried about what happens when I wake up. I wanna remember this… all of it. I don’t usually remember most of my dreams…’ _

Without his permission, Dean’s legs get him up off the couch and he begins to pace.

Lucifer slides off the bed with a sympathetic expression.  _ ‘Hopefully you’ll remember some of this… I certainly hope so. But I’m not optimistic. Five months worth of information is simply too much for your mind to process and experience in less than a day.’ _

_ ‘There’s gotta be a way,’ _ Dean insists,  _ ‘I mean, I remember every minute of Hell so why not this? If I only get to remember the sucky shit and not the nice stuff, then I guess the universe really does hate me.’ _

Lucifer sighs softly as he watches Dean rant and pace with a significant amount of fondness in his eyes.  _ ‘Its more likely that the universe hates me, Dean. You won’t know the difference if you forget all this. You’ll just wake up and have your brother back, hopefully. But me? I  _ **_will_ ** _ remember and if you forget then I have to go back to square… well, I don’t think I was even at square one with you back then, was I?’ _

Dean cringes at Lucifer’s question. Yeah, no. Not even that. It’s kinda hard to imagine going back to hating Lucifer that much now.

_ ‘There has to be a way…’  _ Dean repeats to himself miserably.

Lucifer watches him with sympathy. It hurts to think he might lose Dean as a friend all because the human mind isn’t as powerful as his multidimensional one.

Another way Father has given him the middle finger. Just when he actually  _ likes _ a human… their friendship is just temporary.

_ ‘There isn’t one that I know of,’ _ Lucifer tells him sadly.  _ ‘All I can do is hope you remember the important parts.’ _

_ ‘I guess… but it isn’t  _ **_fair_ ** _.’ _

_ ‘Life isn’t fair,’  _ Lucifer shrugs.  _ ‘I just hope you understand… I don’t know what you will remember but I’d rather not share my whole mind with you in case you remember that but not that we are…’  _ he trails off, unsure if he can call them friends yet.

Dean does it for him,  _ ‘friends, Lucifer. We’re definitely friends now. And yeah, I get it but…’  _ he works his jaw a little as he regards Lucifer,  _ ‘isn’t that an even smaller chance? What are you really afraid of?’ _

His eyes bore into Lucifer, making the archangel feel small like only a very few select people can.  _ ‘I told you I’m not afraid of anything, Dean. I’m standing by that.’ _

_ ‘You were lying then, and I think you’re lying now.’  _ Dean’s voice is soft, not accusing.

_ ‘Not today, Dean.’ _

_ ‘Then when?’ _

_ ‘… Not today.’ _


	7. Memories 6 & 7: Downtime & The Trickster

_ ‘At least we get beds every now and then,’ _ Dean says to Lucifer, dragging his friend onto the strangely high-quality four-poster bed with him. This isn’t a motel room and Dean doesn’t know where Sam might’ve pulled this experience from, but he doesn’t question it.

It hasn’t been very long since their last break but Dean will be damned before he passes up an opportunity like this.

Lucifer allows himself to be pulled along without complaint. The two of them roll onto the cushy bed and stretch out the best that they can. Just out of habit by now, their hands find each other and they lace their fingers together.

_ ’29 seconds to 5 and a half hours. Number?’ _

_ ‘626.’ _

They enjoy the silence for a bit, grateful for it now since it isn’t something they get very often. No thoughts or telepathy, just the hum of two tired but determined minds.

In their exhaustion they don’t even try  _ not _ to lean into each other as the bed dips under their combined weight.

It’s a nice, companionable moment in an otherwise hectic and exhausting situation.

 

* * *

 

Dean watches on sadly as the memory ends. This is the hardest puzzle they’ve solved so far. It makes sense now that Dean knows the memory Sam was protecting.

The day Sam lived through over and over, the day Dean died. Again, and again, and again.

Dean doesn’t actually remember any of it, he only ever had Sam’s word to go off of. But watching it now through Sam’s eyes… it was  _ soul-crushing _ .

No matter what Sam tried or what he did… nothing changed the outcome.

When it was revealed to be Gabriel’s doing, Lucifer made a sort of strangled-off noise in the back of his throat. Dean felt a rush of emotion from him for about half a second before Lucifer clamped down on it and silenced his own thoughts—the mental equivalent of covering his mouth.

Dean glances at Lucifer, who is now keeping his face carefully blank. That’s when Dean remembers: he wasn’t there when it happened but he heard about Sam getting kidnapped by pagan gods at some hotel. Lucifer saved him… kinda. But apparently the trickster— _ Gabriel _ was there too and Lucifer killed him.

Before any of this, Dean wouldn’t believe that Lucifer regrets killing his brother. He wouldn’t believe that Lucifer beats himself up about it every time he thinks about it. Now however, he knows that to be true. He’s seen hints of it before now, but this is definitely the strongest reaction he’s seen. Lucifer was  _ really _ caught off guard to see Sam holding none other than his little brother to the fence.

Dean didn’t catch much of Lucifer’s initial reaction, but he did hear two distinct thoughts.  _ ‘Monster,’  _ and  _ ‘my fault.’  _ Without thinking, he lets go of Lucifer’s hand to put his arm around his shoulders instead, comforting his friend.

He doesn’t know what went down between the two archangels… but Lucifer clearly regrets it and didn’t want to fight his brother.

After a second, Lucifer accepts his support and rests his forehead on Dean’s shoulder, closing his eyes to wait out the rest of the memory. It’s… a long one.

Dean squeezes his shoulder lightly and lets him.

It’s a long while before Lucifer relaxes his mental shields again, regaining control of his emotions.  _ ‘I have something to confess.’ _

Dean turns his head slightly to show Lucifer he’s listening. He doesn’t interrupt, knowing now that Lucifer is more talkative when Dean just lets him talk without any prompting.

_ ‘I didn’t want to give humanity a chance. It was never my plan. And while you and Sam and Nick did surprise and impress me it wasn’t you who made me consider that I was wrong.’ _

He takes an audible, shaky breath and Dean can tell that this confession is very significant to him.

_ ‘It was Gabriel. He had the balls to tell me I was wrong. He was brave enough to stand against me despite knowing I was stronger. Before I fell… I loved him. He was my favourite sibling. We were inseparable. I suppose he hoped I would remember that and listen to him…’  _ he falls silent again for a moment. Dean can feel the sadness rolling off of him in palpable waves.  _ ‘He told me yes, humans are flawed, and weak… but they’re so much more than that. They’re creative and fascinating and they  _ **_try_ ** _ to be better. He told me he wasn’t on my side or Michael’s… he took your side and I killed him for it.’ _

The blond lets out a broken laugh.  _ ‘I called him a traitor to God. Like I have any right.’ _ He buries his head in Dean’s shoulder and Dean rubs his arm sympathetically, sensing Lucifer isn’t done yet.

_ ‘I originally saved part of the human race because it’s what he would have wanted. As an apology, not that he’s around anymore for it to mean anything. But then when I finally took a look at your kind… I found he was right. He was right all along and I was too strong-headed and stubborn to see it until it was too late. He loved you humans… and I can’t bring him back but I can at least honour him by loving you too.’ _

It sounds like that’s the end, but Dean senses more so he stays silent.

_ ‘… l miss him so much.’  _ Lucifer’s telepathic voice sounds so small when he says that.  _ ‘I miss him and every time I think about him it hurts. I know it’s not quite the same but how do you deal with missing Sam?’ _

Dean’s heart goes out to the guy. He wishes he had an answer but…  _ ‘It never really stops hurting, _ ’ Dean tells him softly,  _ ‘that’s not gonna go away. But you’re on the right track, just try to remember the good parts when you think of him. Do things that would make him proud. Have something to remember him by. Sam isn’t dead… but I carry this,’ _ Dean lifts the amulet necklace from underneath his shirt to show Lucifer, who recognises it with a gasp of surprise.  _ ‘It reminded me when I was fighting you that I was doing it for him. And now it reminds me that no matter what else has happened, we’re brothers and I owe it to him to try to save him from himself.’ _

Lucifer looks at the amulet for a long time before his eyes turn to Dean, full of sorrow and gratitude.  _ ‘You’re a good brother, Dean. I am glad to be your friend.’ _

Dean’s lips pull into a soft smile at his friend’s admission.  _ ‘Me too, Lucifer. And thanks for telling me this, I know it isn’t easy for you.’  _ In a moment of inspiration, he pulls Lucifer into a tight hug. He looks like he could use it now.  _ ‘You’re not a monster, okay? You made a mistake and you’re trying to make up for it. Monsters don’t do that, humans do.’ _

A short huff of laughter leaves Lucifer through his nose. Slowly, he accepts the hug and holds Dean tightly in return.  _ ‘I’m going to miss this.’ _

_ ‘You won’t have to, I’m gonna remember this. I made you a promise.’ _

He senses a little skepticism from Lucifer, but he doesn’t argue, just relaxing into Dean’s arms with a grateful sigh.


	8. Memories 8 & 9: Lucifer & The Beginning

Finally, Lucifer opens his mind to Dean.

It took months of coaxing, but eventually Lucifer decided to give Dean his trust. Dean stopped bothering with mental shields weeks ago and it’s significantly reduced his headache problem.

Lucifer’s mind is… expansive. It’s almost too much when Dean feels it all at once, but he quickly learns to tune out the background.

He can’t interpret most of it anyways; ideas and complex abstract thoughts just feel like a mess of colour and sound and jagged shapes to him.

Immediately, Dean feels the overpowering worry from Lucifer that he will overwhelm him or that he won’t like what he sees. Dean is quick to reassure him that he doesn’t have to worry about either one.

When he feels Lucifer’s rush of gratitude… it’s strangely powerful. He’s felt this before, but it’s always muted.

It’s more powerful than just gratitude, there’s something else there, but Dean can’t quite put his finger on what it is. Partly because Lucifer can’t place a name to the feeling either.

When Dean feels he can focus on what they’re doing and filter through Lucifer’s thoughts at the same time he leans back reluctantly, breaking the contact between their foreheads. It was an intimate moment… but they still have a job to do.

Lucifer silently agrees, but Dean can sense his reluctance to separate as well.

Briefly, Dean wonders if this is what it’s like to be an angel’s vessel. He can feel and see everything lucifer feels and sees, he can feel the vastness and powerful tide of Lucifer’s mind and emotions…

_ ‘It’s close,’  _ Lucifer responds to his wondering.  _ ‘Being an angel and vessel together is more intimate however. You aren’t just aware of each other’s thoughts and feelings, you’re one being and you share many of the same thoughts and feelings. If you stay like that for too long without any separation, you eventually meld into one being, an angel with a human soul.’ _

Dean thanks him for the explanation and tries to resist the temptation to dig around in Lucifer’s mind. They’re doing this for the sake of getting things done faster, after all. They’re almost at eight months now. They’re two minutes past six hours—

Huh, that’s not something Dean knew. Lucifer just supplied the information to him.

He can feel mild amusement from Lucifer as Dean’s mind adjusts to realising he effectively knows everything Lucifer knows.

If he focuses enough, he can see what Lucifer sees in the prime plane and… yeah that’s disorienting as hell. Lucifer openly laughs at that thought.

_ ‘Didn’t believe me?’ _

_ ‘Oh I believed you, it’s just worse than I thought it was. How are you still vertical?’ _

_ ‘Experience.’ _

_ ‘Is it bad that I wanna punch god?’ _

_ ‘You wouldn’t be the only one,’  _ Lucifer responds, radiating amusement and fondness and… something else.

There’s this strange…  _ other _ feeling that is intertwined with every feeling Lucifer has for Dean. He can’t quite put a name to it but it makes him feel warm and comfortable.

He catches Lucifer thinking about a similar feeling he often catches from Dean and wonders if there’s something to it. Is friendship a tangible emotion? If so, have they just become so close that they don’t notice it amongst all their other emotions until they see it from each other?

Odd.

_ ‘Indeed,’ _ Lucifer agrees.

Friendship feels like the wrong word for it, but Dean honestly can’t imagine what else it would be.

 

* * *

 

Eventually Lucifer’s thought process and the complexities of his mind fall away into the background so Dean can focus on what’s in front of them without distraction. They’re in a nursery this time, Dean thinks. But everything looks a bit shifty and… not solid.

The clearest part of the room is the crib and Dean thinks he knows why, though he really hopes this isn’t the memory he thinks it is.

A lot of the more recent memories they’ve unlocked have been hard-hitters. If Dean’s guess is right, this one is no different.

It may in fact be Sam’s earliest memory.

All it takes is half a thought for Lucifer to put his hand in Dean’s as he starts to walk towards the crib. He doesn’t think there’s any sort of puzzle here, they just have to know where to look.

As he looks inside at his baby brother, the room shifts and suddenly he and Lucifer are inside the crib, staring up at the ceiling. They can’t see each other but thankfully Dean can still feel Lucifer’s hand clasped tightly in his own.

They’re watching this memory through Sam’s eyes, it seems.

Dean wishes he could close his eyes, but he’s not in control here. He’s just a witness to this memory, the event that shook the foundations of their lives.

“Sammy, Sammy!”

He sees Mom first. Mary Winchester, her kind eyes and her soft face hovering over Sam, looking so relieved to see him still here. She ran into the room in a rush, and now she reaches into the crib to lift Sam into her arms.

There’s something she doesn’t see however. Dean tries to shout in warning as a dark figure with glowing yellow eyes looks behind her. She notices too late and he has her before she turns around to see who it is.

She screams.

Then she’s there, pinned to the ceiling with blood blooming in her chest. Sammy’s little arms reach up to her weakly, wanting to be picked up.

“Mary?!”

It’s not long after that Dad comes running into the room, giving Sam the same relieved look when he sees he is alright. Sam continues to reach up to Mom, but she makes no noise and does not move.

“Hey Sammy, you okay?”

Something wet drips near Sam’s face… John touches it, and more drips onto the back of his hand.

John turns around and horror overtakes his features. “No!” As he watches, the ceiling catches fire behind her and quickly spreads to consume the room. “ _ Mary!” _

He acts quickly, pulling Sam from the crib as the child wails with fear and running out to find Dean in the hall.

“Daddy?” Dean gets a weird feeling as he sees himself through Sam’s eyes.

John pushes Sam into Dean’s arms and then shoved the both of them down the hall. “Take your brother outside as fast as you can and don't look back! Now, Dean, go!”

Dean doesn’t need to be told twice.

As they burst through the front door to go outside, the memory fades. Dean and Lucifer are standing side-by-side again, holding hands.

They share a look as they take in their surroundings. They’re in front of an ornate door.

On the plaque where the house number should be reads ‘Sam W.’

_ ‘Should we ring the doorbell?’ _ Dean asks, frowning at Lucifer in confusion.

Lucifer doesn’t answer him right away, a whirl of thoughts overtaking his mind as he considers the door.  _ ‘I think… we’re here.’ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting close to the end here, folks~


	9. Memory 10: Love

Dean and Lucifer stand very still for a long while in front of the door.

_This is it._

The thought reverberates through both their minds, bouncing around between them with a strange sense of finality.

8 months and 5 days…

A little under 6 hours…

Dean realised he hasn’t prepared for the moment they finally reach their goal.

Lucifer sympathises with the sentiment and their minds fall mostly quiet again as they stare at the door.

 _‘I don’t want this to end,’_ Dean tells Lucifer quietly.

_‘Neither do I.’_

_‘I know I promised you I’d remember, but what if I can’t? I don’t want to go back to hating you.’_

Lucifer fixes Dean with sorrowful eyes. _‘What happens will happen… but I don’t want to leave this place without saying something I should have said to you months ago.’_

Dean’s grip tightens on Lucifer’s hand as he turns towards the other, breath bated as he hopes Lucifer will say what he thinks he is going to say.

That feeling they both have regarding each other… Dean thinks he always knew what it was but it’s become so integrated into their interactions by now that it didn’t seem like anything special.

And that is exactly what is so special about it.

Without even realising it…

… Well, at least Dean _thinks_ …

They fell in love.

Lucifer gives Dean a soft affirmation as the corners of his lips curve upwards in a quiet smile. _‘Yes. I love you, Dean Winchester.’_

Dean’s heart soars as he hears those words. _‘There’s something else I have to do before we go in there.’_

 _‘Oh?’_ Lucifer keeps his quiet smile as he senses Dean’s intentions. _‘Please. It’s really now or never.’_

The sad truth of those words almost makes Dean want to cry. Instead he shuts his eyes tight before tears can form and he pulls Lucifer in close by their conjoined hands. As they come together, Dean wraps his free arm around Lucifer’s waist to keep him from pulling away—not that Lucifer would.

Their lips come together almost violently. It’s been a long time coming, starting from well before Dean tied Lucifer up to that chair and made him say yes.

Lucifer’s free arm comes around Dean’s shoulders, pulling Dean even closer in. Neither one of them wants to pull apart or let go anytime soon.

Their hands fist tightly in the back of each other’s clothing while they fit their lips together desperately.

It’s a messy kiss. They’re desperate and wanting and hurting in equal measures and it shows in the way they press together and try their best to get even closer than humanly possible.

The way they’re holding onto each other makes them kind of unstable, so Dean hoists Lucifer up by his waist and turns him towards the door, leaning against it for support as they continue, never breaking contact.

He’s gentle with Lucifer as they move, not _pinning_ him to the door; just holding him there as they use it for support.

There’s a sense of urgency to their actions, not to do _more_ —just to enjoy what they can in the little time they have left to do so.

Lucifer’s shoulder bangs into the door a few times and they’ve both all but given up on maintaining their silence.

The journey is over, they’ve made it to the end of the maze.

It took them over eight months to get here and yet it suddenly feels like it hasn’t been _long enough._

Lucifer gasps as Dean’s tongue pushes into his mouth, letting the human lead and do as he pleases. Dean may not even remember this so why bother pretending he doesn’t like it when Dean takes charge?

There is no room for lies between them now, no room for false pretences.

All that matters is they have each other right now, right here, in this moment.

It is _bliss_.

But as all good things do, it has to come to an end.

They made enough noise to finally attract Sam’s attention in the form of him opening the door.

Naturally, it opens inward. As Sam pulls it open, Dean and Lucifer go tumbling to the floor one onto the other.

It’s Lucifer who ends up hitting the ground on his back, grunting in pain and surprise when Dean lands on top of him. Dean barely manages to catch himself just enough that they don’t knock their heads together.

They both look properly disheveled and embarrassed.

Sam stares.

Dean stares back.

“… hiya, Sammy.”

“I’m back,” Lucifer states slowly when Sam doesn’t respond right away. “And as you can see, I brought your brother. If you wouldn’t go to him…” he doesn’t finish the sentence. He doesn’t need to.

Sam continues to stare.

The silence stretches between the three of them as Dean and Lucifer stay where they are, unsure if they should get up or not.

Eventually, Sam recovers from his shock. “Were you…”

“No.” Dean cuts Sam off a bit too quickly.

Lucifer pouts slightly but understands. Sam doesn’t know what they went through to get here, it’s best to just keep things simple for him.

“Are you sure, because it _looked_ like…”

“Dean was just… angry with me,” Lucifer interrupts, shrugging from the floor. “He usually is.”

He senses Dean’s gratitude over their mental link for the excuse.

Sam doesn’t look too convinced, but stops this line of questioning. He doesn’t really wanna know.

“You got here faster than I thought,” he says bluntly, walking away from them and into the house.

“I had help,” Lucifer responds as he pushes Dean off of him and then they help each other get back to their feet.

They can’t quite make eye contact.

“I see that,” Sam nods. “I didn’t expect you to ask him for help.”

“He didn’t,” Dean tells his brother. “I offered.”

“He can be pretty convincing,” Lucifer backs him up. “Sam, you know why we’re here. Please, stop this ridiculous behaviour. You have to wake up eventually.”

The younger Winchester makes a frustrated, angry noise and paces away stiffly into another room.

Dean and Lucifer follow him.

It takes Sam awhile to give them a response. “You know why I won’t, Lucifer. You know what I want.”

The blond looks distraught as he argues, clearly not having this conversation for the first time. “And you know why I won’t possess you again. It’s killing you, Sam. You can’t hold me forever.”

“Maybe I don’t _want_ to live without you!” Sam shouts back rather childishly.

Dean’s eyes flick back and forth between them as if he’s watching a tennis match.

Lucifer sighs heavily. “Sam, you won’t ever be without me. But I can’t just do nothing while you die. Please, you have to see sense.” He gestures to Dean, “listen to your brother, he came all this way with me to talk to you.”

Sam’s eyes slide to Dean for a moment before he glares back at Lucifer. “I don’t want to.”

“Sammy,” Dean interjects, stepping in between them. “Please just listen to me for a couple minutes, there’s a lot of stuff I have to say that I should’ve said years ago.”

He has his hands raised in a gesture of surrender, which seems to help.

Sam regards him for a few elongated seconds.

When the silence stretches for what seems like too long, Dean keeps talking. “If you don’t wanna talk to me, why’d you ask Lucifer to keep me alive?”

Sam’s expression twists briefly in some undefinable emotion and then he turns away, considering Dean’s query. “… because you deserve to live. Everyone looks up to you. As long as you’re alive, there’s a chance.”

“A chance for what?”

“That you’ll forgive me.”

“Damnit, Sammy…” Dean’s shoulders slump as he hears that. He tries to move towards his brother, but some invisible force keeps him in place. “I forgave you a long time ago. Sam, look at me, just for one second.”

It takes a while, but Sam eventually lifts his head and Dean can see the shock cross his features when he sees the necklace Dean is holding out from under his shirt.

He’s speechless, so Dean talks. “I went back for it. I wear it every day. I have ever since we separated.” He can feel tears brimming in his eyes. “I miss you, Sammy.”

He can hear a choked sob leave his brother but he can’t really see through his own tears. When he tries to run to Sam’s side this time, nothing stops him.

In seconds, they’re clinging to each other and crying into each other’s shoulders.

Sam is the first to speak. “I missed you too, Dean. I… I thought you hated me.”

“Never,” Dean tells him emotionally. “I could never hate you, baby brother. All this time I’ve been fighting, I’ve fought just to get you back. You’re all that’s ever really mattered to me.”

That makes Sam break down further into sobs.

He was so afraid… and now he knows there was no reason for it.

_His brother doesn’t hate him._

It feels like a miracle.

They don’t manage to get anymore words out. As Sam breaks down and finally lets relief and his love for his brother wash over him, the mind palace dissolves. Sam finally lets go, allowing himself to wake up.

Lucifer watches them from the side as the room disintegrates, turning to dust before his eyes.

He watches with a small, sad smile as his own body slowly evaporates away into smoke.

They did it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That Avengers Infinity War end tho.
> 
> Just one more chapter to go!


	10. The End

“Ugh…”

“Morning, sunshine.”

Dean blinks himself out of his stupor, looking around for the source of the other voice.

He jumps a little when he sees  _ Lucifer _ standing just a few feet away. What?

Oh, right…

**_“Beam us in, Scotty.”_ **

He knows it can’t have been that long ago before he said those words, but it feels like a lifetime has passed.

Or maybe not a  _ lifetime, _ but a pretty damn  _ long _ time to be sure.

Dean slowly picks himself up off the bed and rubs his eyes tiredly. He must’ve been asleep… but he feels exhausted. “What happened…?”

He shakes his head a bit before looking over at Lucifer questioningly.

It’s weird… he knows he shouldn’t trust Lucifer and he definitely shouldn’t feel safe around him… but as he looks at Lucifer now he senses no malice and something tells him he’s not dangerous.

_ Weird. _

Dean keeps those thoughts to himself, to be evaluated later.

Lucifer’s face falls at Dean’s question. He gestures to the bed. “We succeeded. Your brother is still waking up, you’re just out first. Probably because you weren’t out as long.”

Dean nods, frowning as he grasps at memories of his dream and they slip through his fingers.

Eventually, Lucifer speaks up again like he can’t help himself. “Do you… remember anything?”

Dean gives him a long glance, noting how weirdly hopeful he looks. “… not really. It all feels kinda like a dream, I remember some of the basics of what happened but not any specifics. Is there something I  _ should _ remember?”

Lucifer looks—for lack of a better word— _ heartbroken.  _ Like Dean just took his soul and curb-stomped it. What the heck is going on?

Dean has the absurd instinct to comfort him.  _ What _ ?

Maybe Sam can shed some light.

He turns back to his sleeping brother. Sam looks less peaceful than before—his eyes are moving under his eyelids and there’s a slight frown on his face.

The corners of his eyes are collecting tears…

What happened?

Clearly Sam can’t provide him with information right now, so he sighs and turns back to Lucifer, determined to get some answers.

Or he was, before his stomach decided to talk for him by growling loudly.

Lucifer smiles the tiniest bit at him. “Clearly, you must be hungry. I’ll go prepare food for you both.”

If Dean didn’t know any better, he’d say Lucifer looks like he’s retreating.

The archangel leaves the room, closing the door quietly behind him as he heads downstairs, presumably to the kitchen.

If Sam has a working refrigerator, Dean is gonna strangle Lucifer.

He spares his brother a long glance before he decides Sam isn’t gonna jump awake anytime soon, and he really shouldn’t trust an archangel who doesn’t need to eat to make food for them.

It’s not that he thinks Lucifer would poison them…  _ intentionally, _ anyways.

As he leaves the room, Dean is assaulted by books. The hall is lined with them. All kinds, from all different times and places… some Dean is sure are extremely rare and would be valuable if there was anyone left in the world to care.

He walks slowly down the hall, his gaze taking in the rows and rows of knowledge, and as he does, he is struck with a memory.

_ Amy Pond. _

He stares blankly at a single book amongst the legions of them. The author; Jaime Pont, catches his eye.

_ Amy Pond, Amy Pond… why is that name so familiar? _

He crouches down to pick up the thick volume and as soon as he does, the memory hits him.

_ Amy Pond _ .  _ She’s a Kitsune… _

So he and Lucifer were… solving puzzles? Huh. Why doesn’t he remember more?

He stands back up, leaving the book there as he shanked his head and continues down the hall.

As he does, he notices his necklace bouncing on his chest. Wait… why isn’t it tucked under his shirt?

**_This was five years ago, cut me a break._ **

**_And I fell over a million years ago, do I get a break?_ **

Dean freezes in place for a moment as he remembers. Lucifer saw that memory with him. What other memories did they see?

How much has he forgotten?

He rubs his temple, taking hold of the amulet to tuck it back under his shirt. As he does, another memory flashes before his eyes.

**_Sam isn’t dead… but I carry this._ **

**_It reminded me when I was fighting you that I was doing it for him. And now it reminds me that no matter what else has happened, we’re brothers and I owe it to him to try to save him from himself._ **

In the dream, Lucifer looks both grateful and sad.  **_You’re a good brother, Dean. I am glad to be your friend._ **

_ What? _

Friends?

… Dean is clearly not remembering some crucial details. How  _ long _ were they there?

As the rest of that memory comes to him, Dean feels sympathy rise in his chest for Lucifer. He finds it hard to believe right  _ now _ , but in that memory he was totally confident that Lucifer was truly miserable about Gabriel’s death.

Dean knows he wouldn’t change his opinion of Lucifer without good reason to, so he decides to trust his memory-self and withhold his doubts until he remembers more.

This is… insane. It’s trippy. Dean feels like he’s slowly losing his mind.

Him and Lucifer?  _ Friends? _

As he thinks that with incredulity, another pair of memories flash before his eyes.

Lucifer looks expectant and surprisingly vulnerable in this memory. Dean feels the ridiculous urge to give him a hug, he clearly needs it.

**_So are we friends?_ **

**_I dunno, Lucifer. We’re not enemies, at least. We’re getting there._ ** A lot of emotion went into that answer…

He doesn’t have time to process the rest of this memory before he’s bombarded with another one.

**_All I can do is hope you remember the important parts._ **

**_I guess… but it isn’t fair ._ **

**_Life isn’t fair,_ ** Dream-Lucifer shrugs. **_I just hope you understand… I don’t know what you will remember but I’d rather not share my whole mind with you in case you remember that but not that we are…_ **

**_Friends, Lucifer. We’re definitely friends now._ **

That memory leaves Dean with a warm feeling in his chest.

Something definitely happened while they were finding their way to Sam’s consciousness.

Finally, he gets a reference of the timeframe from that last memory. He vaguely remembers something Lucifer said about it being 5 hours in real-time, and he claimed it was over 5 months since they went in.

He’s missing  _ a lot _ .

The memories are clearly there, just lurking somewhere in his head and waiting for him to find them.

He struggles to try to reach them for a moment, frustrated when thinking about Lucifer doesn’t manage to unlock anymore.

As he rifled through the shelves of books, he gets a few more flashes of puzzles they solved together, but nothing else incredibly useful.

He sticks his head back in Sam’s room and remembers a similarly high-quality bed he and Lucifer briefly rested on to take a break from puzzle-solving.

**_At least there are beds every now and then._ **

The moment was so nice… Dean can’t remember the last time he was that content and relaxed in real life.

Well, what exactly makes this more real than everything he experienced while trying to wake up Sam? Clearly, it wasn’t any less real to Dean before now.

He should treat everything he remembers as if it was real, because it might as well be. Lucifer almost definitely remembers it all and is disheartened that Dean didn’t also remember.

Fuck,  _ Lucifer. _

Dean is wasting time, surely Lucifer can tell him more about what happened.

Dean takes off down the hallway to look for the kitchen. He doesn’t know this house, so it takes him a while.

As he thinks about what he’s going to ask Lucifer, another important memory flashes before his eyes.

In this one, he can feel Lucifer’s mind in its entirety. Lucifer opened up to him, gave him all his knowledge and secrets… Dean didn’t just trust Lucifer, Lucifer trusted  _ him _ .

**_Didn’t believe me?_ **

**_Oh I believed you, it’s just worse than I thought it was. How are you still vertical?_ **

**_Experience._ **

**_Is it bad that I wanna punch God?_ **

**_You wouldn’t be the only one._ **

Their conversation is so easy and fluid… at some point, he and Lucifer got along with each other better than siblings. Dean felt protective of Lucifer, as ridiculous as that is.

Maybe this is a hint. He needs to ask Lucifer to re-establish whatever mental bond they had before and maybe then Dean will remember more.

Flashes and moments are flooding back to him now, but he still feels like there’s so much more that he’s not remembering.

Something  _ huge. _

He finally finds the kitchen in this obnoxiously big house and when he enters the room, Lucifer is the first thing he sees.

The kitchen is sparse.  Sam  _ does _ have a working refrigerator but Dean doesn’t care about that anymore.

There is a brandless loaf of bread on the island, along with sliced meat and cheese that clearly isn’t store-bought. Whether Lucifer snapped it into existence or went to the trouble to make it for Sam before all this, Dean can’t be sure. He would bet on the latter with what he knows now, however.

One sandwich sits already-made on a plate, the other is incomplete on a plate next to it and Lucifer is seated on the ground, his back to the fridge with his knees to his chest and his head in his hands.

He looks visibly upset.

Somehow, Dean knows he is responsible.

Another memory hits him as he witnessed Lucifer like this, his shoulders shaking with emotion.

**_Why are you scared of small spaces?_ **

**_… The cage that God banished me to is small. And dark. I didn’t even have space to unfurl my wings. I wasn’t scared while I was there but now that I’m free… the thought of going back terrifies me._ ** Just like he is now, Dream-Lucifer buries his head in his knees and shame overtakes his posture.  **_So I… get a little freaked out in small spaces. Even when I can leave at any time. It’s… irrational. Embarrassing._ **

**_I don’t know, it sounds pretty human to me._ **

**_... not long ago I would have considered that an insult._ **

**_Do you now?_ **

**_The jury is still out._ **

Dean doesn’t know what to do right away. His gut is screaming that he should go to Lucifer, they’re _ friends _ and Lucifer needs him…

But the part of him that wonders if his memories are just dreams hesitates.

It’s not long before his gut wins out.

He walks over slowly and crouches down by the archangel. Lucifer recognises him as he approaches but makes no move to leave or try to pretend he isn’t crying on the kitchen floor.

Guess this friendship really meant a lot to him.

Clearly, it meant a lot to Dean too.

“Hey,” Dean says softly, tentatively putting a hand on Lucifer’s shoulder.

Lucifer looks up in thinly veiled shock when he hears Dean’s tone. He  _ clearly _ wasn’t expecting pity or sympathy from him.

That stings a little bit.

Dean pats his shoulder and then sits down next to him, leaning against the fridge as well and sitting near enough to bump elbows with Lucifer. “Hate to break it to ya, but you kinda look like shit. Are you okay?”

After a second, Lucifer gives a watery sort-of laugh. He can’t quite commit to it.

“Have you remembered anything?”

Dean nods, keeping us eyes on the ground. “Some things. It’s coming back slowly, but it  _ is _ coming back to me. Sorry for worrying you, bud.” He smiles a little bit as he senses Lucifer relax beside him. “C’mon, I promised I wouldn’t forget everything. Have you so little faith in me?”

Lucifer gives another laugh, this one significantly less miserable than the former. “I shouldn’t have doubted you. You never cease to amaze, Dean Winchester.”

The warmth in his voice when Lucifer says his name tells Dean more than all his memories combined. This  _ is real. _

On instinct, Dean reaches for Lucifer’s hand as he makes to stand up and Lucifer takes it without question. Dean pulls his unlikely friend to his feet, and in one swift motion pulls him into a hug.

It feels even better in real life.

Even  _ with _ Lucifer’s face making his shoulders little damp.

Neither one wants to pull away anytime soon and for once, that’s perfectly fine with Dean. He rubs Lucifer’s back gently through his shirt, comforting his friend after what was surely a pretty bad scare.

It’s a long while before either of them talks. Lucifer breaks the comfortable silence. “What made you remember?”

Dean shrugs a tiny bit. “Different things help me remember different moments. The hallway outside Sam’s room reminded me of the first Library we were dropped into. My amulet helped me remember a couple things. I was hoping maybe if you mentally linked us again I might remember more. Right now I’m just getting flashes pretty much at random whenever I see or touch something.”

“There’s a lot for you to remember,” Lucifer states thoughtfully. “It… probably wouldn’t be best to link our minds until I’ve had a chance to calm down a bit, but I can think of another way to jog your memory if you’ll allow me to try.”

“Yeah,” Dean says immediately. He trusts Lucifer, he realises. The Archangel wouldn’t do anything to hurt him now. “Go ahead.”

As soon as the words leave his lips, Lucifer has pulled away from the hug just enough to meet his eyes before leaning and and pressing their lips together.

Their second kiss is soft and questioning. Lucifer is quiet and hopeful as he presses his lips to Dean’s and waits for him to reciprocate.

Dean freezes at first, and then he  _ remembers. _

Their first kiss was messy, desperate.

Their second kiss is the opposite.

There’s no rush, no urgent  _ need _ to say this before their mission ends. This kiss is slow, and Dean takes his time coaxing Lucifer to let him in and give himself over.

When Dean begins to kiss him back, Dean can practically  _ feel _ the joy and relief radiating off of the angel. He has a feeling that if they were mentally connected, he’d be overwhelmed by the sheer power of the archangel’s emotions.

And as Dean remembers, he realises there’s something he still has yet to say.

**_I love you, Dean Winchester._ **

Dean remembers a thousand soft smiles, a hundred happy moments, a million squeezes of their intertwined hands. He remembers  _ Lucifer _ , in all his beauty and glory.

Dean pulls away, eyes bright as he meets Lucifer’s steady gaze.

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To those of you who doubted I can write a happy ending—you know you you are:
> 
> **Suck it.**

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think!  
>  ~~Also I know some of you want more smut but I wasn’t feeling it while writing this. I promise there will be a third instalment though!~~  
>  **Join[My Writing Server on Discord](https://discord.gg/JmwqFMc) for updates and such? We get up to a lot of fun there.**


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